Challenge Literature Fellowship - GlobalBy Alan Bailey
Getting married is still fairly popular but not as popular as simply living together. We have husbands, wives and partners. And who should question it? After all, what people do in relationship is their business.
Well now, if the de facto position is defensible, why should it all be a taboo subject? Let’s take a quick look at two sides of the question.
by Rob Furlong
You don’t have to look very far in our world today to see how lacking we are in peace and peacemakers.
Right now, as you read this, there are 22 wars being waged around the world, on five separate continents, resulting in the deaths of 120,151 people in 2022 alone. Some of these conflicts have been going on for decades.
Closer to home, many of us have no peace in our personal lives or relationships. Perhaps a friend at school has turned against you or you are no longer speaking to a relative because of an argument neither of you can resolve.
Many people perpetually live their lives with a profound sense of deep sadness, emotional hurt and estrangement from God and people.
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By Rob Furlong
“A smile is the beginning of love.” – Mother Teresa
Agnes Gonxha was born in Skopje, the capital of modern-day North Macedonia and at the age of 18 entered the Order of the Sisters of Loreto with the intention of becoming a missionary to India – she arrived there in 1929. Known then as Sister Teresa, she was deeply moved by the overwhelming poverty and destitution of people living on the streets of Calcutta and sensing the call of God, in 1948 began working to alleviate their suffering.
Eventually joined by a group of young women, she founded the Missionaries of Charity with the vision of providing “wholehearted free service to helping the poorest among the poor.” They worked with AIDS, leprosy and tuberculosis sufferers, allowing them to die with dignity in the Mission’s hospice, provided food, and founded orphanages, schools, and mobile clinics. In time her ministry grew to 4,500 nuns serving in 133 countries.
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By Rob Furlong
“The more heated the disagreement, the more our inner steam tank builds to the breaking point, and it is all we can do to keep a level head through the whole explosive episode.”
Every honest person reading the statement above by Clyde Murdock will agree they have struggled with this in times of “heated disagreement” including the person writing this column!
However, if we are truly prepared to make changes in the way we express our anger and communicate and commit to the process of change over the long haul, how and what we communicate will wonderfully transform our relationships.
By Rob Furlong
Author Tim La Haye once wrote:
“As long as two people can keep the lines of communication open and freely express their feelings, differences can be resolved.”
We have been exploring anger this year and the negative effect it has on relationships when expressed poorly or inappropriately; this month I want to talk about the way in which negative anger kills communication between people and what we can do about it.
There are three, basic communication killers.
“Be angry, yet do not sin…”
So wrote Paul the Apostle as he gave great practical advice on living out our relationships with one another.
Many years ago, a friend read this out to a group of us while also making an honest admission that he found this piece of advice “incredibly difficult to live out!” He was simply echoing what we all felt – it’s so easy to quote this statement, but extremely hard to follow!
Unhealthy anger inevitably leads to an unwillingness to forgive, and many a relationship has been destroyed because people have refused to forgive each other.
Forgiveness is also a very real issue in marriage. The health of a couple’s relationship can often be determined by the willingness (or unwillingness) of a husband and wife to forgive each other.
I have talked with many couples over the years, and I never stop being amazed at how people hang on to things they did to each other years ago and the overwhelming pettiness of it all.
“She did this…”
“He always forgets…”
“I never do that…”
On and on it goes.
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By Rob Furlong
I used to think the best way to deal with my anger was to push it down deep inside of me where it had no chance of escaping, say nothing at all and give the appearance of being calm and collected.
I learned painfully, however, that this is just as unhealthy a behaviour as expressing anger inappropriately.
“Be angry, and yet do not sin,” the Apostle Paul tells the Ephesians.
“That is easier said than done!” I hear you say. “I mean, is it reasonable to think you can express anger without hurting people or damaging relationships?”
Paul certainly believed it was.
Think carefully about what he is saying.
Firstly, it is ok to express anger.
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“THE anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.”
So wrote James the Just, a prominent leader of the first century church. It’s an astute observation. Think of the times you have expressed your anger inappropriately and it has led to damaging accusations, criticism, and silence.
Thankfully, James was a practical man and prior to making this statement, he provides three steps to encourage us to express our anger in an appropriate way.
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By Rob Furlong
“Many people may be, chronologically, 45 years old but remain an emotional infant, child or adolescent.” What a perceptive observation the author of Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, Peter Scazzero, makes here! He was commenting on how many people grow up physically but never grow up emotionally.
To illustrate his point, he describes the various stages of emotional development that we need to pass through as being: that of the infant (totally focussed on having our needs met by others), the child (where our happiness or otherwise essentially depends on whether we get our own way or not), the adolescent (where we are concerned only with ourselves and don’t express much empathy for others), through to the final stage of becoming an emotional adult.
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