Tag: communication

Principles of Healthy Communication

By Rob Furlong

“The more heated the disagreement, the more our inner steam tank builds to the breaking point, and it is all we can do to keep a level head through the whole explosive episode.”

Every honest person reading the statement above by Clyde Murdock will agree they have struggled with this in times of “heated disagreement” including the person writing this column!

However, if we are truly prepared to make changes in the way we express our anger and communicate and commit to the process of change over the long haul, how and what we communicate will wonderfully transform our relationships.

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Communication Killers

By Rob Furlong

Author Tim La Haye once wrote:

“As long as two people can keep the lines of communication open and freely express their feelings, differences can be resolved.”

We have been exploring anger this year and the negative effect it has on relationships when expressed poorly or inappropriately; this month I want to talk about the way in which negative anger kills communication between people and what we can do about it.

There are three, basic communication killers.

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Finding perfect meeting of meaning

By Rob Furlong
With the amazing increase in technological devices over the past 15 years our ability to stay in touch with each other, even in some of the remotest parts of the world, has increased exponentially. I would like to suggest however that our ability to communicate meaningfully with each other has not progressed at the same rate. If anything, it has gone backwards.
On a holiday a few years back (which included a buffet breakfast in beautiful tropical surrounds each morning) Karen and I were amazed at the number of couples sitting across from each other at the breakfast table gazing into their … iPads! In such a beautiful setting how sad it was to see people desperately checking their Facebook status rather than connecting with the one they claimed to love forever.
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Don’t try to be a mind reader

By Rob Furlong
We have been talking this year about ways in which we can improve the quality of our relationships by learning and practicing some new skills.
This month, I want to talk about how we can avoid the damage done to our relationships when we make assumptions.
Carole Mayhall, co-author with her husband, Jack, of Marriage Takes more than Love, recounts a humorous story from their own experience, which highlights the danger of making assumptions about people.
“One evening Jack and I were looking at a full, lovely moon. It was an incredibly beautiful evening, and I said, “Isn’t that a beautiful moon?”
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Is your body language contradicting your words?

by Rob Furlong

The experts tell us that 70% of what we communicate to each other is non-verbal. This means when we are talking with people, they are going to be paying a lot more attention to the messages they are receiving from our body language than to what we are saying.
We know this fact to be true because we have all been on the receiving end of “conversations” where a person’s body language has spoken loudly and clearly!
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I’m sorry, did I roll my eyes out loud?

By Rob Furlong
A favourite meme of mine is one where Robert Downey Jr. (who plays Tony Stark/Iron Man) has his arms crossed, eyes rolling backwards and the caption stating, “The face you make when the person you can’t stand is talking!”
For some strange reason, my eldest daughter sent this to me with the not- so -subtle suggestion that this is how I can be at times!
Yes – I confess – I have trouble being present with people in conversation occasionally, and I suspect I am not alone!
How can I (we) be more present with people?
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Big picture thinking about our relationships

By Rob Furlong
By the time you read this article 2021 will be well under way with one month having passed by already! (I just wanted to encourage you all!)
Nevertheless, it is still appropriate to ask what your plans this year are for personal growth and change and I am specifically referring to the area of your relationships.
What motivates change in us is having a picture of how we would like things to be. Once that bigger picture is established firmly in your mind then you make a commitment to start working steadily towards that picture.
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Vital keys to better communication

by Rob Furlong
The sign hanging from the balcony of the second floor apartment said it all. It simply read, “For sale – one husband!”
After a number of weeks of government enforced isolation, clearly things – or her husband – were getting to one poor lady!
With most of the world in some form of lockdown it would be unusual for even the best of relationships to not experience some form of tension at the moment!
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